Paper Plate Awards

TMI, having been graciously invited by the event organizers, was represented by their best journalistic team. TMI arrived early to be sure to cover the entire events.

TMI arrived at the Norton Lounge Conference Center to find it closed, cold, and locked. But, after waiting for a short time the maintenance staff showed up. We rushed them with our camera's and microphones, but no amount of paparazzi like intimidation would get them to allow us into the quiet interior. The head janitor put it this way:

Get the hell out of my way or I'm calling the cops.

TMI, ever law abiding, complied immediately. None the less, we were able to hear the sounds of furniture being moved around, and the sound system being checked. TMI was finally greeted by Mr. Tomsett who let us into the press booth. We crammed all three of us into the booth made for a dozen, and promptly set up shop. The organizers had politely provided for a sound feed and we promptly plugged in, turned on the recorder, and high tailed it out to set up the red carpet procession.

TMI was surprised to discover that no red carpet was to be provided. When questioned about this Mr. Tomsett only retorted with:

This isn't the FNORD ya know

He then walked off to make sure that plenty of popcorn and beer were at the concession stand. We purchased a box of snow caps, costing $45.23 in USD, and then went back to the booth to check the recorder. Sure enough, some unsuspecting fools were talking in range of the microphone, but none of it was news worthy.

Finally the attendees began to arrive. The hired part time staff was greeting people at the door and taking their tickets. Some of the attendees balked at having to pass through a metal detector to enter, but with the war on terror one can never be to safe. Some of the more attractive women were profiled for full body cavity searches, but TMI cameras were not allowed to record the event. We did notice that none of them emerged from the room with a smile, while all the male security staff seemed very pleased with itself.

None the less the arrivals was a pageant of pomp and circumstance.

King Jeremy's casket was brought in, and propped open so his decomposing 6'5" corpse could be properly honored.

Mr. Sinclare entered the room also, but was so boring no one noticed. The online betting services have him heavily favored to win in this category, but even if he does no one will notice.

Angelia Jolie was radiant, of course, but that Brad Pitt tumor on her ass ruined the whole display. No amount of expensive clothing, makeup or jewelry could cover such a festering display of poor taste in moral character.

Bono arrived, and promptly started asking all the national leaders to forgive African debt. The King of Stormark proposed that Bono hold a series of African debt pay-off concerts. Bono persisted, and was finally escorted to his seat by security.

Ben Gray stepped in showing his perfectly pressed uniform, showing why he was the front runner to win the tidy desk award.

Finally the lights dimmed, the last few laggards took their seats as Mr. Thompson, the Master of Ceremonies, came onto the stage to thunderous applause. After what seemed an eternity the applause settled down and he approached the lecturn:

Good friends, on behalf of the Paper Plate Awards Organization, I welcome you to the this ceremony where we shall recognize and reward those micronationalists that have added to the misery of our calling. Each of the special categories has been picked with the intent to mock and humiliate someone, and so with that in mind we proceed straight to the nights first award. Here to present the award for Most Tidy Desk is Dr. Sprangle.

The night went on like this in a standard awards ceremony style resulting in a stack of paper plates being handed out to cheers and jeers alike.

As people filed out there were smiles all around as everyone seemed to have a good time, except Bono, and that's as it should be.